A Lack Of Sense

These are some songs I can’t stop listening to this month. Some of them I have had for years, some of them I just recently bought. 

Dead Hearts - Stars

Road Trip - Lucy Rose

Simple Math - Manchester Orchestra

A Little Piece - The Jezabels

I Found A Reason - Cat Power

Lost and Found - Katie Herzig

Blindness - Metric

Bottlecaps - Inara George

Telephone Games (Live EP Version) - Jack and White

93 Million Miles - Jason Mraz

You’d think that I’d get a senior ad, or grad party, or a new computer, or maybe even real senior pictures. You thought wrong. I did too. It seems like my parents don’t even care that I’m graduating, and that they don’t want to brag about how proud they are of me to their friends, which is really tough for me. 

Today in casual conversation I was talking about cleaning out some stuff from my room that I don’t need so it’s not cluttered for them when I’m gone, and it resulted in me feeling like a piece of dirt. I was told that my room would be redone when I leave. I knew that it would eventually be turned into a guest room, but I wasn’t expecting that to happen so soon. 

This is my stuff. My stuff. I don’t think it is fair to me to get rid of my stuff before I even get the opportunity to move it somewhere else. I don’t care if it’s just furniture or a new paint job or new wall art, it’s still my stuff. I’m finally happy with the way my room looks, and it hurts to be told that it will all change in a matter of months. 

I feel that I should take a picture of every wall, every pile of stuff, every inch of my room so I won’t forget what it’s like. I’m so forgetful. I know that this house has been full of fights and some really awful memories, but my room was always my getaway. It was the place I could go to and close off everything else and fall asleep to music. 

I keep telling myself that I should be more grateful that they are even sending me to college, but then I realized that I am really grateful they are. It seems like I don’t even have control of my life though. 

This year I missed out on so much. I got hopeful thinking that my parents would be proud and send me to my dream school and let me follow my dream career on the perfect path that I had lied out. I was so wrong. Instead I’m going to the school they wanted me to go to, and doing a career that was always a back up in my mind but my parent’s favorite. 

I’m grateful, I truly am. But it’s tough to forget what I had lied out for me. 

And that feeling of being unappreciated, or being forgotten. That is the worst.

Grey’s Anatomy always makes me really emotional. Also, it always has really good soundtrack music.